Month: January 2011

  • Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon

    Extraordinary Adventure
    77

    Near the end of The Maltese Falcon there is a famous line spoken by Humphrey Bogart. Throughout the movie everyone had been on the hunt for something called The Maltese Falcon (not to be confused with the somewhat more exciting Millenium Falcon), no the Maltese falcon was (disappointingly) just a sculpture of a bronze falcon from the island of Malta. This of course was not enough for some of the characters and possibly the screenwriters and the studio execs either, so they had somebody ask Bogart’s character this question: What exactly IS the Maltese Falcon? Well after chasing it for the entire movie, Bogart had no choice but to reply, in his best Peter Brady impression, “The stuff that dreams are made of.”

    Although, if we are being picky, he actually should have said, "The stuff of which dreams are made."

    This quote, being one of the most famous lines in movie history, has evolved over the years to refer to the movies themselves. Q. What are movies? A. The stuff dreams are made of. Well, those days have come and gone and very few movies actually try and reach a dreamlike state. Some of them have and are on this very list. But one of the most dreamlike of all the movies on our list is a little flick called Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. I do not mean to imply that it is bizarre and inscrutable as so many dreams are, but merely the fluidity and calm relaxation of the story lends itself to certain dreamlike images, not the least of which is the fact that the characters in Crouching Tiger can fly.

    Besides flying I sometimes also dream that I am back in high school and have been asked to speak in public at the last second.

    The characters in Crouching Tiger are aware that the other martial artists can fly and there is a wonderful bit of choreography whereby Shu Lien played by Michelle Yeoh has to keep stepping on Ziyi Zhang’s feet to literally keep her on the ground. Speaking of fight choreography, it was planned out by one of the best; Yuen Wo Ping, who also did the fight sequence for The Matrix. As well as Fist of Legend and some other classic Chinese movies, I suppose. However at the risk of insulting the fanboys, may I submit that his work here in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon is his best? You do have to display a little fanboy patience however before the first fight even begins, but once it does, it goes on for a nice long while. Characters start hopping over roofs and climbing walls to a fabulous score by Oscar winner Tan Dun.

    Just in case you didn't know what a "fanboy" was.

    Another scene takes place among blowing bamboo trees (technically bamboo is a grass not a tree, but it matters not as Chow Yun Fat can balance perfectly on both). Another fight scene showcases pretty much every martial arts weapon there is, each weapon being eventually broken or destroyed by a magical ancient sword called The Green Destiny which everyone in the movie is after (an idea stolen from an earlier movie called The Maltese Falcon, perhaps you’ve heard of it).

    The stuff that dreams are made of … also.

    Hidden Dragon was directed by a guy named Ang Lee who also directed Sense and Sensibility which, while better, is sadly lacking in kung fu … and therefore loses points on the adventurometer. He also made Hulk about a big green monster guy in purple pants who is repressed, but the less said about that the better. At first you may seem impressed that Ang Lee does such wildly different films until you realize that they are ALL about repression. Nobody wants to say who they truly are or how they truly feel about the other characters and there are a few surprises a long the way. Do not be put off by this, however because despite the oscar-baiting theme of repression the film both figuratively and literally soars to new heights and depending on your acceptance of fairy stories from the desert, it has either or hopeful or a tragic ending.

    "Now we see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

    Plus it was made for only 17 million dollars in 2000 which is a staggeringly low budget for any movie let alone an action movie.

    Next up … 76!

  • Kidnapped

    Extraordinary Adventure
    78

    A few hundred years ago, Robert Louis Stevenson wrote a classic adventure caper called Kidnapped. This is admirable for two reasons:

    1) He resisted the urge to add an exclamation point to the end of his title.

    2) He boldly proceeded to give away the entire plot with the book’s subtitle.

    Seriously, the subtitle runs on for 70 words, mentioning how the hero David Balfour is kidnapped, shipwrecked, trapped in the wild highlands, and suffered at the hands of his uncle Ebenezer. You could watch four or five Michael Bay movies in a row and not find that much adventure.

    Michael Bay
    Actually, watching more than three Michael Bay movies in a row will likely kill you.

    If this book makes you deathly afraid of your uncle, then it is probably with good reason. Uncles get a bad rap in literature. They are forever stealing your inheritance, murdering your parents, claiming your kingdom, or making unwanted romantic advances. And I will warn you: If you have an uncle named “Ebenezer” in your family, you might as well just accept that most of your life is going to be a living nightmare.

    Fortunately my uncles have names like Dennis and Tim and Devon, and there’s a strong chance that they’d find it utterly inconvenient to dump me in the Scottish highlands. But I’m watching my back just in case.

    David Balfour begins to suspect that his uncle is up to no good when he is sent to fetch a chest from the top of a tower in the middle of the night, without a light and sometimes with gaps in the staircase. This, I think, is a good indicator that someone wants to get rid of you.

    David doesn’t take the hint, so his uncle is forced to sell him into slavery, the titular “kidnapping” of the story. As with all slavery stories, this one has a happy ending: a shipwreck.

    David survives in the wild along with another unfortunate companion, and eventually they come across Robin Oig, the son of famous Scottish renegade Rob Roy. Oig has great distaste for David’s companion, and it is clear that this can be settled in only one way.

    A duel of bagpipes.

    Dueling bagpipes
    If we can have dueling banjos, why not?

    I am not sure why we as a civilization have gotten away from settling our disputes with bagpipes, but I can see many advantages to it. Besides the obvious reduction in bloodshed, there’s a bundle of money to be saved (although I’m sure the defense contractors can find many ways to plaid the budget).

    We could probably cut down on all those strip searches at the airport as well. If a terrorist wants to smuggle a bagpipe on the plane, what’s the worst that can happen? We have to listen to a few dozen variations of Amazing Grace? I guess if the guy really can’t play, that could be somewhat torturous, but it’s better than being x-rayed all the time or having my toothpaste confiscated.

    Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson
    The real question is, do any of these guys look young to enough to still be living with their uncle?

    Eventually David makes his way back to his uncle and tricks Ebenezer into a confession that yes, he had arranged to have David kidnapped. This means that David now gets his rightful inheritance, which he promptly blows on video games and Red Bull.

    Up next, #77…

  • Horatio Hornblower

    Extraordinary
    Adventure
    79

    In the grand tradition of almost all good adventure literature coming from Britain let me introduce to you a man by the name of Cecil Scott Forester. Called C.S. by his audience. His real name was Cecil Louis Troughton Smith. C.S. Forester was the author of several novels, but perhaps his most famous and most influential book is actually a series of books about a character with the unfortunate name of Horatio Hornblower.

    Here he is amused at the fact that he looks like the old guy from the American Gothic painting.

    The novels span many years of Horatio’s life and his many adventures and it is here that I must confess that I have not read the novels, though I do suspect they’re very good as they are often cited as influences or recommendations by other famous authors. For instance, Hemingway (Ernest not Muriel) once said “I recommend Forester to everyone literate I know.” Which is a clumsy way of putting it, but who am I to rewrite Hemingway? And Winston Churchill was also quoted as saying “I would rank Horatio Hornblower at or around 80 on a list of the greatest adventure stories in any genre.” Which is a tad made up, but true to the spirit of Churchill and so I will allow it.

    Forester is also cited by Nicholas Meyer and Gene Roddenberry for Star Trek’s captain Kirk, so there!

    My experience with Captain Hornblower comes from a Television series that aired in the early 90s on A&E. It stars an actor whose first name is Ioan (pronounced rather reasonably as yo-un) and whose last name is Gruffudd (which is inexplicably prounounced like Griffith). It is needless to say very good. Although a tad on the episodic side, the films are overflowing with the little touches that make Horatio’s world believable.

    You may recognize Ioan Gruffudd from the hit blockbuster Titanic where he was credited as Some Guy # 4

    It begins with Horatio coming onboard as a midshipman and promptly getting seasick. He’s a quiet lad who keeps to himself, but is devoted to duty and honor. Soon the Napoleanic wars have started and Hornblower shows himself to be both brave and intelligent. He can’t really help but be promoted even though he actually tries not to be. This of course does not sit well with the officers who have more seniority than him and are being left behind. Horatio is only 17 and is still a little wet behind the ears and so does not instantly triumph, but instead has to deal with enemies both foreign and domestic.

    Here's a helpful map to help you better understand The Napoleonic Wars. You're welcome.

    Again the best parts are the attention to detail. In the way the ladder is built into the ship itself. The code of battle.  The honor of a duel. And of course there is the great sailor talk: belay, focsle, main top gallant, larboard, starboard, and groovy.  C.S. Forester was not a one hit wonder either. He’ll pop up on our list again. Though I’ll let you wait and see when and where. The Hornblower series is available on Netflix or Amazon or Itunes, but one word of warning, A&E never completed the series so eventually you’ll have to take Hemingway’s advice and actually read some Forester for yourself. That is, if you want to know how everything turned out.

    Next up … 78!