Tag: Pirates

  • The Gold Bug

    Extraordinary
    Adventure
    80

    Edgar Allan Poe is famous for many things, including marrying his 13-year-old cousin, contracting mysterious diseases, and dying young while in the midst of insanity.  He also sometimes wrote stuff.  He is best known for sappy chick-lit tales featuring disembodied hearts, black cats, ravens, mummies, and Usher.

    Usher
    Poe was very into R&B

    Occasionally, he would confound his critics with unexpected bursts of grand adventure, full of mind-boggling puzzles, exotic locations, long-dead pirates, and buried treasure.  Then he would go back to writing about handsome strangers with smoldering eyes and luscious hair.  The Gold Bug is one such departure.

    Nowadays we think of buried pirate treasure as an old fashioned sort of adventure plot, since all the pirates have been dead for more than 100 years.  In Poe’s day, piracy was on the wane, but still relevant to its audience, sort of like how everyone still likes Die Hard.

    Die Hard
    Next Century's Classic Literature

    What makes The Gold Bug so much fun is the way in which its hero finds the last stash of Captain Kidd.  Basically he stumbles across an invisible treasure map while beachcombing.  If you think it is difficult to stumble across something invisible, you’d be right, unless there was also a gold scarab beetle sitting nearby.

    I have read the story many times and it is still unclear to me whether the scarab is a real beetle or a gold artifact. The characters in the story talk about it as if it is an actual insect with a strange coloration, which they capture by wrapping it in a scrap of parchment that they conveniently find nearby.  It is only later, while studying the bug near the fire, that invisible ink on the paper is revealed.

    Golden scarab beetle
    Easily mistaken for a real insect

    In fact, the Gold Bug itself plays virtually no role in the plot, other than that it also allows them to find the treasure map.  Perhaps the title is one of those “symbolic” things that English teachers are so obsessed with.  “Bug” as in “sickness.”  The Virus of Greed and all that stuff.

    The map contains a fiendish cryptogram, which the characters dissect in riveting fashion, while basically schooling the reader on how to solve those word puzzles in the newspaper.  It translates to a riddle, which involves a trip to the seaside cliffs, the discovery of a particular tree, which happens to have a skull nailed to one of the branches high up.

    Here they must solve one more puzzle in order to find the treasure’s location, and as to whether or not they succeed, I will leave to you to discover.  It’s a short story and readily available online, so stop your complaining.  It is best if you don’t think about the fact that trees tend to grow over time, so maybe Captain Kidd wasn’t as clever as he thought.

    The story is oft-imitated.  One can see its influence in dozens of works from popular culture, of which The DaVinci Code and National Treasure may be the most recent examples.  It is also fascinating for its discussion of cryptography, which was a relatively new art to the literary public of Poe’s day, who up to that point had been sending secret messages using the Ovaltine decoder ring.

    Poe himself seemed to have an obsession with cryptograms.  He possessed an almost supernatural ability to decipher them.  He once challenged a magazine’s readership to stump him with a code in any language with any character set, and despite many insane, complex submissions, not a single one could best him.

    Edgar Allan Poe
    But he stunk at Sudoku

    The story’s one deficiency is its glaring and blatant racism.  It is definitely a product of its time, and it treats the lone black character as a ridiculous fool, complete with phonetically rendered speech and derogatory names.  Were Hollywood ever to make The Gold Bug into a movie, I foresee a great many rewrites in which this character is changed to a bumbling robot played by Robin Williams.

    Jar Jar Binks
    Or something.

    Next up, #79.

  • The Empire of Blue Water

    Extraordinary
    Adventure
    89

    Aside from Attack of the Clones, one would be hard pressed to come up with a more pulp-inspired title than The Empire of Blue Water, but seeing as it’s about the true-life story of Captain Henry Morgan, it is (happily) extremely fitting. If you were to try to come up with a pulpier title, you might think about subtitling it “Captain Morgan’s Great Pirate Army, The Epic Battle for the Americas, and the Catastrophe That Ended The Outlaw’s Bloody Reign.” Which, believe it or not, is exactly what Stephan Talty subtitled it.

    The subtitle would've been longer too, but they couldn't find a smaller picture of a pirate ship.

    Unlike The Silmarillion, which is fake but seems real, The Empire of Blue Water is real, yet seems fake. Who would believe in a mad welsh pirate captain who was brought up from nothing to command what was called The Great Pirate Army? Even more preposterous was the fact that not only was it called “The Great Pirate Army,” but was done so with a straight face. Who would believe that after decades of mobbing and drunken debauchery, the Jamaican city of Port Royal would be all but wiped out by a massive earthquake a few months after Captain Morgan died, thus bringing not only the death of the man, but a seemingly supernatural vengeance on all of piratedom? Who would believe that this man Captain Morgan actually looked like the picture on the rum bottle that’s named after him? Who would believe that the rum Morgan actually drank was called Kill Devil?

    I hereby claim this barrel of rum in honor of my dear beloved mustache!

    Who would believe that when he returned to England a prisoner for violating the English treaty with Spain that he was acquitted and instead of imprisoned, he was knighted? That when he returned to Jamaica he was made governor and began hunting the very pirates he had helped make famous? You see Henry Morgan was technically a privateer: a private soldier of the seas given permission by the English to loot and pillage the Spanish. Much like Dean Koontz does to Stephen King in our present time. Also, much like Stephen King, actual pirates were awarded a bigger share of the booty if they lost a limb. Although in their case it was usually while trying to overthrow an enemy ship. This accounts for all the hooks and peg legs and is also coincidentally the origin of the phrase “it cost me an arm and a leg.”

    Also pirates were awarded extra booty if they spontaneously grew fish parts in the midst of a raid. This was apparently very common.

    The Empire of Blue Water is filled with action and fantastic naval strategy, especially Morgan’s attacks on Porto Bello and Meracaibo. Talty however does veer off on a few tangents, mostly due to the story of Roderick (an amalgamation of what a typical pirate would be), but his major weakness comes in telling us the origin of the word Buccaneer. Apparently it comes from the people who lived in the Caribbean who ate a special kind of barbeque called “Buccan;” thus “buccaneer.” This is not at all an interesting origin for such a cool word and is perhaps something that would have better remained lost to history.

    Next up … 88!