Since ancient times, humankind has struggled with storing spare change. I believe it was the Romans who first used a spare sock. With the Renaissance came the invention of the glass jar. And now, as we march boldly into the Twenty-First Century, I am pleased to announce that after a lifetime of hard research and product testing, I have finally hit upon the perfect spare change repository:  A hollowed-out pig.

You have to admit, this is sheer genius on my part. The answer seems so obvious in retrospect. How many different types of containers have we seen throughout our existence?  Boxes, tubes, tupperware, and barrels. The list goes on. Yet only a miniature hog fulfills the necessary requirements for coin storage.

Pigs are just naturally associated with money. For instance:  Pigs are where we get the word “swindled,” and there are many pithy sayings such as “You reap what you sow” (female pig).  When I tell you that you have a choice between placing your coins in a clear glass container, or in a pagan pig idol with a slot on top, the answer becomes obvious.  Pig with a hole in it.

The pig has several advantages, not least of which is that you cannot see how much change you have accumulated. Pigs are generally opaque creatures.  You will feel safe and secure not knowing that most of the weight comes from Canadian pennies you found in the parking lot.  And if thieves happen to break into your house, everyone knows they only look in the sock drawer or in the couch cushions. Several studies have shown that ceramic pigs sitting on your dresser attract no attention whatsoever.

Piggy banks have the added benefit of not easily relinquishing what you have deposited, making them an ideal savings mechanism. What they lack in interest rate, they more than make up for in risk tolerance. I have found that the best pigs have a plug in their belly roughly the size of a dime. If you stick a quarter in the slot, you are almost guaranteed not to lose a cent on that investment.

Some people may scoff at the idea of referring to these as Piggy Banks and not Piggy Safe Deposit Boxes, but I submit to you that pigs can and do offer all the services of a bank, up to and including denying me for loans.  Most Piggy Banks also offer free checking, but they will kill you in penalties if you overdraft.

Prototype coin storage unit, patent pending